I Didn't Cry

I didn't cry, I didn't cry when I had nothing to say, I didn't cry when I couldn't say, I didn't cry when I hoped for things I could never have, I didn't cry when I slowly lost all my friends, I didn't cry when I found out I could never share what I felt, I didn't cry when I couldn't be like them, I didn't cry when wanted to, I didn't cry when my dreams were clouds - beautiful but unreachable, I didn't cry when I was never counted among the pretty ones, I didn't cry when I was forgotten, I didn't cry when I didn't matter, I didn't cry when my friends were mades Kings and Queens and I was made a messenger, I didn't cry when I was made an extra in a play where my friends were leads, I didn't cry when my parents didn't have a kid to be proud of, I didn't cry when I realized that I didn't have a particular talent, I didn't cry when life gave me tomato flavoured chips which I hated, I didn't cry when I wasn't funny just quiet, I didn't cry when I thought I didn't have a personality, I didn't cry when I couldn't speak in public, I didn't cry when I knew I wasn't special, just normal.
I didn't cry but I got up everyday, smiled, laughed, lived a little, pretending to be a part of something I could never be. I didn't cry, I never cried... I just ate the tomato chips, they tasted ok but I disliked them not because of their flavour but because there were tastier chips out there which I could eat...

Different

There are so many people in this world, there are so many things in this world. Everything is different, every person is different, everyday is different. I see this and wonder, how am I better or worse or extraordinary. Everybody wants to be different or better. We try to do stuff to be better, sometimes it works, sometimes it fails. You may not have many chances you deserve be different but you still try in those little ways you can. This maybe your only chance. You dream, you imagine, knowing that it is the only place you can actually be different.



There are so many people in this world. But why does only one seem better than everyone else? A person you may not even cast a second glance at. Why does that person's faults suddenly don't matter ? Why for you a single ordinary person is so extraordinary now ? Why that person is different for you even though you may never be different for them.

Maybe

They say that my life is normal; my life is good because there is no drama, heartache, dreams, wishes, special people and a purpose. My life is great because I don’t have to go through all the pain people suffer. But maybe I don’t want a normal life. Maybe I want to feel the pain because before or after the pain was a period of happiness too, I want that. Maybe my life is not so great after all because it has nothing; it is pain, simple and boring. Maybe I want thunder, rain, sunshine, snowfall and hurricanes. People say I am lucky but I think they are lucky because something is happening to them. Someone actually texts and calls them because they miss them or because they just want to talk not because they have some work with you. Maybe I don’t want the most interesting that happened to me yesterday to be about the tasty food I ate. Maybe I just want to life rather than a good life, maybe I just want to live and love, maybe I just want to start my story.

Maybe

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He was behind her or he was in front of her but he was never with her. If he was with her, it was never for long. It was never long enough to be satisfied, long enough to be sure, long enough to be sure and never long enough to be with her.

Ever have that feeling when you see a person that if they knew you, they would love you, understand you, live with you, dream with you, have fun with you and maybe never forget you. She got that feeling when she saw him. Him; walking, laughing, talking, doing all the mad things he does. She was never the girl that boys could talk to effortlessly, she was never the prettiest, she was never the funniest and she was ok with it until he came around and he made her want to all those things just because she wanted him to see her, actually look at her just once.

Everyday she would look at the mirror and sometimes would not even recognize what see saw. She had that feeling that her face is not her own, it felt somehow foreign sometimes. It was a good face but there was nothing extraordinary about it. Maybe that was the problem, maybe her face wasn’t good enough. Everyday after staring at the mirror for longer than necessary thinking that maybe today will be the day when this face will stand out. She would step out again into the world for yet another time waiting, hoping for the world to change.

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Life Is A Road trip

I find life like a road trip. It has a beginning and an end. Everybody is born with a known or sometimes unknown destination or purpose. Your life maybe short or long like a trip to the supermarket or a trip to the other side of a country. Everything is constantly moving but it doesn’t mean that you are seeing the same type of things. A road trip can be a lot of things – exciting, adventurous, boring, sad, happy, depressing, scary, boring and so can be life, it just depends who is driving. Feel free to take risks, do anything you want because you get one road trip like this and you might want to make this one count. 

Change

A minute ago life is dull, static and uneventful. All you want is that to change, you something to happen, something to change because you are unsatisfied with your current situation, it’s boring to you so, you want to change it. It doesn’t happen most of the time but when it does, you are not sure if you want this change anymore. You want to change the change, you want to go back to where you where a minute ago, you realize that life was perfect a minute go and now it isn’t. You only realize this because you can’t have it anymore, you can’t change it no matter what you do.  You imagine a million things you couldn’t have done differently but you only think that because you can’t do them anymore. We are stupid idiots, we look at other people hoping we could have something they have but we don’t realize they maybe thinking the same about us. We want change so bad that we don’t even see that the thing we want to change is the best thing we have. Sometimes it is not even this, some sadder times the change is unwanted and painful. You knew your life was perfect but it isn’t anymore.

What will you do now? How can someone survive this? But know one thing you are brave enough to handle anything that comes your way, if you weren’t it wouldn’t happen to you. You just have to find your power, that thing that makes you the strongest. Many people fail, it doesn’t mean that you would. You are not like everyone.

But if you are one the lucky ones, whose life is the same it was a minute ago. See it, appreciate it, know it and believe in it. If you still don’t like it, change it on your own terms before life does it for you. 

I Want To Do Something

I have never been much of a crier even right now I know I won't cry but I can sense something close to tears in my eyes, it is either that or my eyes are just hurting as a result of sitting in front of my computer for way too long. The thing is I feel sad. There is no reason for it and then there are too many reasons. I feel like time is running away and am stable, I fear wasting my life way to much that I am not even living it. I feel like am not getting enough opportunities to show myself to world, I know that is really selfish but I really want to do something that people can see, recognise, appreciate. I sometimes feel really desperate for doing something but I don't really do anything, that really frustrates me. I sometimes get irritated to people due to this and that is not good i know but I just can't help it sometimes. I feel like I am waiting for something big, momentous to happen to me and when I doesn't happen I feel depressed. I know it's not possible for  something to happen to me, I mean it's not a movie or anything but the thing is I watch too many movies and I see a lot of people and I have way too many expectations. I see other people and it is good see those people doing so many great things but I want to do great things too. I know I can be wrong too but this is one the reasons why I am sad there are others too but I think this is big enough for know. One more thing I wanted to say that the the little things that happen do make me happy but soon wear off but I become really happy for a while and I like it. For the time being I stop looking sad because everybody doesn't have to know you are sad, they probably won't even care because in the end only you can make your self happy so if happiness taking too long to arrive, in the mean time JUST SMILE. I know it's hard and to will probably look like Sheldon Cooper trying to smile but I will make the people you love happy and it is sometimes worth it.

THIS NEVER FAILS TO CRACK ME UP !!

He Wanted Her Know

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They were in middle of a field in the middle of nowhere. Golden coloured tall grass was swaying with the gentle wind. Her dark hair was also flowing with the wind, sometimes covering her face. She didn't know how beautiful she was, he thought. But she has to know, he wanted to let her know. He wanted her to know that she was the most beautiful person inside out he has ever known, she knew him and understood him in ways nobody could, he wanted to be with her all the time, she made him unimaginably happy, it physically hurt him to see her cry, he didn't know what she felt but he wanted her to know. He didn't know what she would say but he knows he won't be able to hold it on for long.

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She knew that she loved him, how can she not, she spent her every living moment thinking about him. But knew she knew that he didn't love her, not like she loved him. She was not the type of person he can love. She was not pretty enough, not funny enough. She knew that what she wanted from him, could never get that. So, she won't say anything because that right in the field in the middle of nowhere, even if she could have that much, she would be the happiest person alive. He made her happy and she wanted this happiness forever but she cannot have it so, she doesn't say anything trying to keep this happiness as long as possible.

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Me And That Feeling

Ever get that feeling after you watch something - a show or anything or you listen to something - line or a song or you read something and there is a sudden urge to do something, in that moment feel you can do anything, you can conquer the world if you want to. You cannot sit on one place, you have to get up and do something. I get this feeling a lot after reading, watching or listening. I don't know what to do with that feeling. The feeling is of pure power and strength. Is that how you get inspired ? I think it is adrenaline I don't know but whenever I get that feeling I find way stand up and I start walking really fast. And then I start imagining myself as a part of the thing I experienced and I feel so happy when I go that and then the feeling goes away. I know I waste that feeling every time it comes to me. I imagine. I do that a lot and because of that I don't really do anything. But when I imagine just for once I have everything I ever wanted and life is perfect and I am happy. Everything is fine and it is where is supposed to be. There is no confusion, no uncertainty, only dreams coming true. That is why I imagine because life is so much better that way. I know imagination is running away from real life and not doing anything. You gain nothing out of it but another load of dreams which you do nothing to fulfill. I mean it is great but it is after all imagination not reality. It makes  you happy but that happiness isn't forever. So, this time when I got that feeling, I wrote this.

Me And Music

I can't sing. I can't play an instrument, I tried to but that didn't work. But I listen to songs. Does that mean that I am not a part of the music ? 

Right now, in this moment thousands of people are listening to music right and I am one of them. Aren't we all connected in some way. Music means so many things to so many different people. To some it is a way to earn a living, to some it is an escape, to some it is a drug, to some it is a source of happiness and enjoyment and to some it is life.

These days there are so many forms of music right now and all we are doing is judging what is good or bad. What is on the charts, what sucks and what rocks, what deserves to be popular and heard and what is crap, what gets an award and what doesn't. We all forgot that it is still music. It doesn't matter if some else hates it or loves it, if nobody listens to it unless whenever you are feeling like crap, tried, angry, confused, lonely and even happy or excited - there is always a song you can listen and feel that resonance from your soul and everything will be alright.

Music wasn't meant to counted as many singles or copies have been sold but how many souls it touched or how many people it made happy or how many people people danced alone or together listening to the music coming out.

Sometimes I just lay down and listen to music, any kind of music and after I sit up and turn the music off, I feel better. That is the power of music, that is what music is. I don't care what or which music it is unless it makes it makes me sing along and feel what the music made to feel. I know I can't comment on music like this as I know nothing about it but I listen to it. 

Music is everywhere. In so many different and pure forms too. A mother humming to put her baby to sleep, that is also music, you can't calculate it's worth by how many people listen to it or many awards it has got. It is pure and true, it is music.

I am not against the music on charts, I love those actually. There are some many popular artists and their music is amazing.

There is so many talent in music these days, I mean how many singers and bands actually exist today ? And all these music reality show has so many amazing talented musicians in them. Music has such a huge wide scope, imagine if all these musicians given a chance each to make music, how much amazing music can be created ! 

Right now with my headphones on, I can be me. Listening to the strum to the guitar, the flowing piano, the beating drum, creating the perfect harmony and then the voice of someone, someone we don't know but it feels like we do, in that moment it feels like we know the person on the other side the speakers. Everything kind of starts moving inside of you and the music feels almost real. I can separate from the world and just feel the music and feel good. That is what music is for, feeling good, feeling real.

Me And I Am

“I am.” It is the shortest complete sentence in English Language. Two little words, these are powerful two little words, alone or if something is added to them. They are used by a person to tell their state or condition of being or their feelings about themselves.

“I am lonely.”  “I am happy.”   “I am fine.”  “I am not fine.”   “I am unhappy.”  “I am in love.”  “I am talentless.”  “I am useless.”  “I am bored.”  “I am not me.”  “I am trying.”  “I am a lair.”  “I am depressed.”  “I am tried.”  “I am not unique.”  “I am helpless.”  “I am not pretty.”  “I am lost.” “I am waiting.”  “I am impatient.” “I am not convinced.”  “I am not in favour.” “I am living.” 


All these statements, sentences, thoughts and many more of them are there. They are always there, floating around somewhere in our mind. But most of the time they are left unspoken. Because we are scared, embarrassed, afraid of the consequences we have to face if we say these words. But these words are demanding to be spoken. But sometimes there may be no one to listen. But in the end, we lose control and the dam breaks - the words keep tumbling out, unstoppable because this words had to said no matter what as these these words demand to said and heard. You want to say them, you want to say what you feel. These powerful; little words can change your life. These words tell how you feel about yourself and it may not always be true. You may need that comforting answer which you deserve. It also starts with a short sentence - “You are.” It is important to know how you feel about yourself but is also important to know what someone else thinks of you because your thoughts may not always be correct. Sometimes, you may be very hard on yourself or you may be too biased.

Sometimes while speaking your mind,  you may change your mind.

“You are not alone.”  “You are not a bad person.”  “You are not at fault.”  “You are special.”  “You are not realising what you have.”  “You are my inspiration.”  “You are not trying hard enough.”  “You are beautiful.”  “You are my friend.”  “You are the person for me.” 

It is the time that it taken in saying these words that makes movies or books or life, long and makes our happy endings look unreachable and unachievable. 

Imagine the whole world, so many people living, walking, going on with their life, moving on, everything is progressing. Everybody has this bubble over their head about things they want to say, things they want to hear, things they want to be, things they be and the bubble keeps moving with them too, it never leaves, it's always there. Full of all your unfinished hopes, aspirations, dreams and vulnerabilities. Sometimes when this bubble finally bursts, your story truly begins. You can call this bubble anything -  your mind, soul, heart, anything. You should realise that it is there when whenever you are alone and you feel this hollowness and you have more to think about the imperfectness of your life than about how great it is -- Find Your Bubble and then don't wait till it is unbearable, take a pin and burst it or it will happen on its own anyway. It may be hard but the first step is always the hardest and rest is as easy as air out of a balloon. If you do it now you will your life a little more.