Lack of Great Ideas

Open Microsoft Word. This is how great things happen. Blank. Now is when a life changing idea comes in. Baam! Fast forward to success, glory… HAPPINESS. No great idea yet. Too experienced in the reality of life to wait for it (the idea). don’t really want an idea, just a distraction, something to take mind off , its too painful out there right now. I guess that is what happens when your joy is dependent on things and people who are not you. When people or circumstances sometimes unconsciously have more influence on how your day goes than you. We are fools after all. We do this to ourselves. We know so much better than to do this, but can we help it?

Maybe life is the idea we all are looking for, life. Life, the only constant in life. The only thing that stays is that we are living, breathing, being crushed under regrets, sorrows, disappointments but yet living. Looking the same on the outside, going on (sort of). How brave. Fears, failures, regrets, faults, mistakes, incapabilities but then there are hopes, dreams, expectations, beliefs, more hope. Who wins? The lucky ones I am guessing.

Can you stop yourself from feeling? Is there a medicine which can do that, I am willing to search mountains and oceans alike for it. God know how I have willed myself to give it up. Looking, searching for a way out, finding none. The damnest things – feelings, which apparently distinguishes us from animals, weakens us in ways nothing can. Still the stupid hope persists. If it goes away then everything will automatically be better. Its not gonna happen, go to sleep, tomorrow is another day, wait for your great idea.

I Didn't Cry

I didn't cry, I didn't cry when I had nothing to say, I didn't cry when I couldn't say, I didn't cry when I hoped for things I could never have, I didn't cry when I slowly lost all my friends, I didn't cry when I found out I could never share what I felt, I didn't cry when I couldn't be like them, I didn't cry when wanted to, I didn't cry when my dreams were clouds - beautiful but unreachable, I didn't cry when I was never counted among the pretty ones, I didn't cry when I was forgotten, I didn't cry when I didn't matter, I didn't cry when my friends were mades Kings and Queens and I was made a messenger, I didn't cry when I was made an extra in a play where my friends were leads, I didn't cry when my parents didn't have a kid to be proud of, I didn't cry when I realized that I didn't have a particular talent, I didn't cry when life gave me tomato flavoured chips which I hated, I didn't cry when I wasn't funny just quiet, I didn't cry when I thought I didn't have a personality, I didn't cry when I couldn't speak in public, I didn't cry when I knew I wasn't special, just normal.
I didn't cry but I got up everyday, smiled, laughed, lived a little, pretending to be a part of something I could never be. I didn't cry, I never cried... I just ate the tomato chips, they tasted ok but I disliked them not because of their flavour but because there were tastier chips out there which I could eat...

I Want To Do Something

I have never been much of a crier even right now I know I won't cry but I can sense something close to tears in my eyes, it is either that or my eyes are just hurting as a result of sitting in front of my computer for way too long. The thing is I feel sad. There is no reason for it and then there are too many reasons. I feel like time is running away and am stable, I fear wasting my life way to much that I am not even living it. I feel like am not getting enough opportunities to show myself to world, I know that is really selfish but I really want to do something that people can see, recognise, appreciate. I sometimes feel really desperate for doing something but I don't really do anything, that really frustrates me. I sometimes get irritated to people due to this and that is not good i know but I just can't help it sometimes. I feel like I am waiting for something big, momentous to happen to me and when I doesn't happen I feel depressed. I know it's not possible for  something to happen to me, I mean it's not a movie or anything but the thing is I watch too many movies and I see a lot of people and I have way too many expectations. I see other people and it is good see those people doing so many great things but I want to do great things too. I know I can be wrong too but this is one the reasons why I am sad there are others too but I think this is big enough for know. One more thing I wanted to say that the the little things that happen do make me happy but soon wear off but I become really happy for a while and I like it. For the time being I stop looking sad because everybody doesn't have to know you are sad, they probably won't even care because in the end only you can make your self happy so if happiness taking too long to arrive, in the mean time JUST SMILE. I know it's hard and to will probably look like Sheldon Cooper trying to smile but I will make the people you love happy and it is sometimes worth it.

THIS NEVER FAILS TO CRACK ME UP !!