I Didn't Cry

I didn't cry, I didn't cry when I had nothing to say, I didn't cry when I couldn't say, I didn't cry when I hoped for things I could never have, I didn't cry when I slowly lost all my friends, I didn't cry when I found out I could never share what I felt, I didn't cry when I couldn't be like them, I didn't cry when wanted to, I didn't cry when my dreams were clouds - beautiful but unreachable, I didn't cry when I was never counted among the pretty ones, I didn't cry when I was forgotten, I didn't cry when I didn't matter, I didn't cry when my friends were mades Kings and Queens and I was made a messenger, I didn't cry when I was made an extra in a play where my friends were leads, I didn't cry when my parents didn't have a kid to be proud of, I didn't cry when I realized that I didn't have a particular talent, I didn't cry when life gave me tomato flavoured chips which I hated, I didn't cry when I wasn't funny just quiet, I didn't cry when I thought I didn't have a personality, I didn't cry when I couldn't speak in public, I didn't cry when I knew I wasn't special, just normal.
I didn't cry but I got up everyday, smiled, laughed, lived a little, pretending to be a part of something I could never be. I didn't cry, I never cried... I just ate the tomato chips, they tasted ok but I disliked them not because of their flavour but because there were tastier chips out there which I could eat...

Maybe

They say that my life is normal; my life is good because there is no drama, heartache, dreams, wishes, special people and a purpose. My life is great because I don’t have to go through all the pain people suffer. But maybe I don’t want a normal life. Maybe I want to feel the pain because before or after the pain was a period of happiness too, I want that. Maybe my life is not so great after all because it has nothing; it is pain, simple and boring. Maybe I want thunder, rain, sunshine, snowfall and hurricanes. People say I am lucky but I think they are lucky because something is happening to them. Someone actually texts and calls them because they miss them or because they just want to talk not because they have some work with you. Maybe I don’t want the most interesting that happened to me yesterday to be about the tasty food I ate. Maybe I just want to life rather than a good life, maybe I just want to live and love, maybe I just want to start my story.

Maybe

.................

He was behind her or he was in front of her but he was never with her. If he was with her, it was never for long. It was never long enough to be satisfied, long enough to be sure, long enough to be sure and never long enough to be with her.

Ever have that feeling when you see a person that if they knew you, they would love you, understand you, live with you, dream with you, have fun with you and maybe never forget you. She got that feeling when she saw him. Him; walking, laughing, talking, doing all the mad things he does. She was never the girl that boys could talk to effortlessly, she was never the prettiest, she was never the funniest and she was ok with it until he came around and he made her want to all those things just because she wanted him to see her, actually look at her just once.

Everyday she would look at the mirror and sometimes would not even recognize what see saw. She had that feeling that her face is not her own, it felt somehow foreign sometimes. It was a good face but there was nothing extraordinary about it. Maybe that was the problem, maybe her face wasn’t good enough. Everyday after staring at the mirror for longer than necessary thinking that maybe today will be the day when this face will stand out. She would step out again into the world for yet another time waiting, hoping for the world to change.

 ...................

Life Is A Road trip

I find life like a road trip. It has a beginning and an end. Everybody is born with a known or sometimes unknown destination or purpose. Your life maybe short or long like a trip to the supermarket or a trip to the other side of a country. Everything is constantly moving but it doesn’t mean that you are seeing the same type of things. A road trip can be a lot of things – exciting, adventurous, boring, sad, happy, depressing, scary, boring and so can be life, it just depends who is driving. Feel free to take risks, do anything you want because you get one road trip like this and you might want to make this one count. 

Me And That Feeling

Ever get that feeling after you watch something - a show or anything or you listen to something - line or a song or you read something and there is a sudden urge to do something, in that moment feel you can do anything, you can conquer the world if you want to. You cannot sit on one place, you have to get up and do something. I get this feeling a lot after reading, watching or listening. I don't know what to do with that feeling. The feeling is of pure power and strength. Is that how you get inspired ? I think it is adrenaline I don't know but whenever I get that feeling I find way stand up and I start walking really fast. And then I start imagining myself as a part of the thing I experienced and I feel so happy when I go that and then the feeling goes away. I know I waste that feeling every time it comes to me. I imagine. I do that a lot and because of that I don't really do anything. But when I imagine just for once I have everything I ever wanted and life is perfect and I am happy. Everything is fine and it is where is supposed to be. There is no confusion, no uncertainty, only dreams coming true. That is why I imagine because life is so much better that way. I know imagination is running away from real life and not doing anything. You gain nothing out of it but another load of dreams which you do nothing to fulfill. I mean it is great but it is after all imagination not reality. It makes  you happy but that happiness isn't forever. So, this time when I got that feeling, I wrote this.

Me And I Am

“I am.” It is the shortest complete sentence in English Language. Two little words, these are powerful two little words, alone or if something is added to them. They are used by a person to tell their state or condition of being or their feelings about themselves.

“I am lonely.”  “I am happy.”   “I am fine.”  “I am not fine.”   “I am unhappy.”  “I am in love.”  “I am talentless.”  “I am useless.”  “I am bored.”  “I am not me.”  “I am trying.”  “I am a lair.”  “I am depressed.”  “I am tried.”  “I am not unique.”  “I am helpless.”  “I am not pretty.”  “I am lost.” “I am waiting.”  “I am impatient.” “I am not convinced.”  “I am not in favour.” “I am living.” 


All these statements, sentences, thoughts and many more of them are there. They are always there, floating around somewhere in our mind. But most of the time they are left unspoken. Because we are scared, embarrassed, afraid of the consequences we have to face if we say these words. But these words are demanding to be spoken. But sometimes there may be no one to listen. But in the end, we lose control and the dam breaks - the words keep tumbling out, unstoppable because this words had to said no matter what as these these words demand to said and heard. You want to say them, you want to say what you feel. These powerful; little words can change your life. These words tell how you feel about yourself and it may not always be true. You may need that comforting answer which you deserve. It also starts with a short sentence - “You are.” It is important to know how you feel about yourself but is also important to know what someone else thinks of you because your thoughts may not always be correct. Sometimes, you may be very hard on yourself or you may be too biased.

Sometimes while speaking your mind,  you may change your mind.

“You are not alone.”  “You are not a bad person.”  “You are not at fault.”  “You are special.”  “You are not realising what you have.”  “You are my inspiration.”  “You are not trying hard enough.”  “You are beautiful.”  “You are my friend.”  “You are the person for me.” 

It is the time that it taken in saying these words that makes movies or books or life, long and makes our happy endings look unreachable and unachievable. 

Imagine the whole world, so many people living, walking, going on with their life, moving on, everything is progressing. Everybody has this bubble over their head about things they want to say, things they want to hear, things they want to be, things they be and the bubble keeps moving with them too, it never leaves, it's always there. Full of all your unfinished hopes, aspirations, dreams and vulnerabilities. Sometimes when this bubble finally bursts, your story truly begins. You can call this bubble anything -  your mind, soul, heart, anything. You should realise that it is there when whenever you are alone and you feel this hollowness and you have more to think about the imperfectness of your life than about how great it is -- Find Your Bubble and then don't wait till it is unbearable, take a pin and burst it or it will happen on its own anyway. It may be hard but the first step is always the hardest and rest is as easy as air out of a balloon. If you do it now you will your life a little more.