Lack of Great Ideas

Open Microsoft Word. This is how great things happen. Blank. Now is when a life changing idea comes in. Baam! Fast forward to success, glory… HAPPINESS. No great idea yet. Too experienced in the reality of life to wait for it (the idea). don’t really want an idea, just a distraction, something to take mind off , its too painful out there right now. I guess that is what happens when your joy is dependent on things and people who are not you. When people or circumstances sometimes unconsciously have more influence on how your day goes than you. We are fools after all. We do this to ourselves. We know so much better than to do this, but can we help it?

Maybe life is the idea we all are looking for, life. Life, the only constant in life. The only thing that stays is that we are living, breathing, being crushed under regrets, sorrows, disappointments but yet living. Looking the same on the outside, going on (sort of). How brave. Fears, failures, regrets, faults, mistakes, incapabilities but then there are hopes, dreams, expectations, beliefs, more hope. Who wins? The lucky ones I am guessing.

Can you stop yourself from feeling? Is there a medicine which can do that, I am willing to search mountains and oceans alike for it. God know how I have willed myself to give it up. Looking, searching for a way out, finding none. The damnest things – feelings, which apparently distinguishes us from animals, weakens us in ways nothing can. Still the stupid hope persists. If it goes away then everything will automatically be better. Its not gonna happen, go to sleep, tomorrow is another day, wait for your great idea.

Maybe

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He was behind her or he was in front of her but he was never with her. If he was with her, it was never for long. It was never long enough to be satisfied, long enough to be sure, long enough to be sure and never long enough to be with her.

Ever have that feeling when you see a person that if they knew you, they would love you, understand you, live with you, dream with you, have fun with you and maybe never forget you. She got that feeling when she saw him. Him; walking, laughing, talking, doing all the mad things he does. She was never the girl that boys could talk to effortlessly, she was never the prettiest, she was never the funniest and she was ok with it until he came around and he made her want to all those things just because she wanted him to see her, actually look at her just once.

Everyday she would look at the mirror and sometimes would not even recognize what see saw. She had that feeling that her face is not her own, it felt somehow foreign sometimes. It was a good face but there was nothing extraordinary about it. Maybe that was the problem, maybe her face wasn’t good enough. Everyday after staring at the mirror for longer than necessary thinking that maybe today will be the day when this face will stand out. She would step out again into the world for yet another time waiting, hoping for the world to change.

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Change

A minute ago life is dull, static and uneventful. All you want is that to change, you something to happen, something to change because you are unsatisfied with your current situation, it’s boring to you so, you want to change it. It doesn’t happen most of the time but when it does, you are not sure if you want this change anymore. You want to change the change, you want to go back to where you where a minute ago, you realize that life was perfect a minute go and now it isn’t. You only realize this because you can’t have it anymore, you can’t change it no matter what you do.  You imagine a million things you couldn’t have done differently but you only think that because you can’t do them anymore. We are stupid idiots, we look at other people hoping we could have something they have but we don’t realize they maybe thinking the same about us. We want change so bad that we don’t even see that the thing we want to change is the best thing we have. Sometimes it is not even this, some sadder times the change is unwanted and painful. You knew your life was perfect but it isn’t anymore.

What will you do now? How can someone survive this? But know one thing you are brave enough to handle anything that comes your way, if you weren’t it wouldn’t happen to you. You just have to find your power, that thing that makes you the strongest. Many people fail, it doesn’t mean that you would. You are not like everyone.

But if you are one the lucky ones, whose life is the same it was a minute ago. See it, appreciate it, know it and believe in it. If you still don’t like it, change it on your own terms before life does it for you.